We spoke with journalist and Durex sex and relationship expert Alix Fox about this national slump in libido. She explained that, “it’s easy for couples to fall into a predictable routine in their intimate lives: convenience, lack of time or just force of habit are the main culprits for taking the sizzle out of sex.”
In an attempt to shake up your sex life, we're sure you’ve tried different positions, but have you tried different people? No, we don’t mean a threesome, and we definitely don't mean cheating. We mean you being different people. Alix tells us that role play is “the Houdini of humping: it’s all about the escapism!” She explains that being someone else in the bedroom means that you can leave the stress of the real world behind and embrace all of the things that you might be afraid to try as yourself: it’s a protective psychological distance from reality.
Before you try anything too crazy, Alix notes the importance of discussing your fantasy first, just so you know you’re both on the same page: “I always advocate discussing preferences with your lover beforehand rather than diving into the deep end with a sexual scenario - that way, you’re likely to get a result that better matches up to both your hopes and desires.”
Whilst discussing your sexual preferences at any length instead of just jumping head-first into the fantasy can sound tedious and libido-crushing, Alix says that, on the contrary, the discussion can be an exciting part of the build up. If you’re thinking of trying out some role play with your boyf, here’s some great characters to help broaden your sexual thespian horizons in the bedroom.
1. If it ain't broke, still fix it
The repairman scenario is an absolute classic. Perhaps you’re the bored, sex-starved housewife whose washing machine has packed up, and he’s the hot plumber that’s come to, ahem, fix your little problem. To make this fantasy super haaat, lean over him as he checks your drum, whispering seductively “is that the spinny bit?” It’ll drive him crazy.
Why is it so hot?
There are many erotic aspects that come into play with this one. It’s someone different, someone who isn’t your partner. Someone who can help you at your time of need. He can fix stuff that we can’t be bothered to learn to fix. This kind of fantasy can help to keep your long-term, monogamous relationship from feeling too monotonous, Alix advises. And, as your partner is now the repairman/lover, the thought that your ‘husband’ could come home any second leaves you with the thrill of being discovered.
2. The Fifty Shades effect
D/s relationships have made a massive comeback after the rise of E.L James' Fifty Shades franchise. This is a great role play for those who want to take a trip into kinkier territory in the bedroom. Sexual dominance isn’t just for damaged millionaires: you or your partner can choose to be the Dominant with the other being the Submissive. It’s a fun one to play around with, testing your sexual boundaries. But don’t forget to have a safe word! Alix tells us that a safe word is crucial to ensuring that both you and your lover can relax, safe in the knowledge that you’ve established a clear way to stop play if things get too overwhelming for either of you.
Why is it so hot?
Alix tells us, "there are proven physical explanations for why pain can equal pleasure. In response to impact or injury, the body produces natural ‘painkilling’ chemicals called endorphins. By purposely exposing themselves to pain, masochists can trigger these sublime sensations on demand." It is important to remember that being a submissive doesn’t mean that you are or have to be weak: the physical pain is a small part of it. And whilst the dominant is essentially in charge, they can only go as far as the submissive will allow. A sadomasochistic relationship means putting a huge amount of trust in each other, which is sexy in its own right.
3. Channeling Channing
3. Get your boyfriend to channel his inner Magic Mike by playing the part of your own personal stripper. Sit in a chair as he bumps and grinds around you to Genuine’s ‘Pony’. Get that baby oil ready and throw some dollas at him, as long as he promises to fish them out of his pants and give it back to you post-coitus - we’re not made of money, right? Or alternatively, you could put your finest underwear on, give him the chair and have a ‘no touching’ policy as you writhe around him. You’ll be doin’ it quicker than you can say “Jamie Lee Curtis in True Lies”.
Why is it so hot?
For you as the stripper, you get a feeling of ultimate control, whilst his inability to touch you will drive him crazy. It’ll be a great confidence boost for you, and he gets a good look at every part of your body. Everyone’s a winner! With you in the hot seat, however, it’s a fun role reversal which could end up being very sexy indeed. Maybe he can attempt a sexy lift if he’s feeling strong, but make sure he’s not covered in baby oil at the time, we’re not trying to cause an embarrassing trip to A&E here, ladies.
4. Go old school
4. It’s an oldie but a goodie. Picture this: you’re the student (geeky but hot) who’s come to see your babe teacher about some “extracurricular activities”. Or maybe you’ve got detention because you’ve done something bad? (Something sexy-bad though, not like scratching your name into a table or stealing post-it notes from the supply cupboard.) Whatever happens, he's gonna teach you a lesson.
Why is it so hot?
This is a great one for versatility: who’s the teacher and who’s the student? Who’s going to teach who? Is there going to be an apple or a cane on the desk? (Although we don’t recommend hitting someone with an actual cane: you can get much sexier spanking toys elsewhere.) It’s not only dominance but it’s the attraction of being taught. Sex is full of lessons to be learned, so who knows what you’ll end up teaching each other.
5. Strangers in a bar
5. Make sure you don’t see each other all day. Then, arrive separately at the same bar wearing something that you wouldn’t normally wear. Not a fake moustache or anything weird, just a little something sultry. Flirt a little with other people to drive each other wild with jealousy (but don’t get carried away: the point is to still go home with your own partner at the end of the evening). Making eye contact across the bar, you eventually go and talk to each other as if this is the first time you’ve ever met. And then there’s only one question: your place or his?
Why is it so hot?
This fantasy gets the butterflies stirring as you start to remember why you were attracted to each other in the first place. If you have been with your partner for a long time, this is a great way to keep the excitement alive in your relationship. Furthermore, you are not you, so you can try anything you want in the bedroom! But remember: you’re boyfriend is not himself either, so be open to what he wants to suggest too.
6. The perfect prisoner
Like it a bit rough? Your boyfriend’s locked up and completely under your control. If he’s bad he’s going to be punished.
Why is it so hot?
Alix tells us that choosing simple characters makes role playing for newbies much easier to enjoy as it doesn't require too much effort when it comes to things like vocabulary, and gives you more of a chance to explore the all-important power play without putting too much pressure on yourselves to perform. This particular role play is great if you enjoy domination.
7. The Fireman
Everyone knows that every single fireman who ever lived is a stone cold fox. Is it the braces, or the helmet? Or perhaps it’s just the ability to rescue a gal from a burning building. We can’t fully explain it, there’s just something about firemen that drives us ladies crazy. So just imagine this: you need saving, and your man comes to your rescue. Perhaps he needs to give you mouth to mouth…
Why is it so hot?
This is another great one for those just starting out on their role-play journey. Alix says that these classic-type scenarios means you don’t have to concentrate on character too much and can get down to what’s important: having fun and, of course, having sex. Plus every woman loves to be taken into the arms of a big, strong man.
8. Go out of this world
Have superhuman orgasms by pretending to be superheroes. Wonder Woman boning Batman - what could be hotter than that? That's no chastity belt, girls! Perhaps you’re a hostage saved by superman (no sexing in abandoned phone boxes, please), or you’re Invisible Girl, having a secret affair with Mister Fantastic. Let’s hope he lives up to his name!
Why is it so hot?
This is a great opportunity to dress up in something sexy. Whether it’s a Wonder Woman get-up or Catwoman’s skintight catsuit, a change into something a little... tighter, shall we say, will make you feel super confident too. Plus, who can resist a man dressed as a super muscly bat? The ability to dress in something sexy and even wearing a mask will not only make you look different but will also make you feel different, again giving you the chance to escape being yourselves for the night.
9. Channel your inner secretary
As we’ve already discussed, the whole Fifty Shades’ thing was a pretty big deal so we’ve got our work cut out for us in the bedroom (or do we mean Red Room?). It’s time to do a bit of homework. Re-read the books. Stick it in the DVD player (as if we need another excuse to watch Jamie Dornan).
But if you want to go old school, pop on Maggie Gyllenhaal’s The Secretary and make some notes. This is the original kinky role play of dominant and submissive, and involves the very first Mr Grey. Trust us, one watch of this will bring out your inner Lee Holloway.
Why is it so hot?
Again, this comes back to Alix’s point about enjoying roles which involve a natural leader for the power play. But the dominant and submissive goes both ways, so before you know it you’ll be the one spanking him with a book over the table as he reads your water bill back to you!
10. The Masseuse
Picture the scene: you’re getting a relaxing massage. There’s candles everywhere, plinky plonky music filling your earholes, wine in your mouth hole, a hot man sat on your back, oil in places oil shouldn't be…. What could go wrong?
Why is it so hot?
An erotic massage is a great way to get laid and enjoy a cheeky massage at the same time. It’ll make you feel relaxed, and the constant skin-on-skin action will keep you connect and, not to mention make you super turned on. But remember, try not to be too liberal with the oil, it’s tres slippery. Again, we’re trying to encourage red hot sex, not a trip to Accident and Emergency.
Got any good role play scenarios? Spill the beans! @sofeminineUK
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