If your sex life has dried up and you can't remember the last time you got it on with your partner, the most shocking thing might be that you're not actually missing sex. This can be a worry, but there's no cause for panic! There's an explanation for everything, and ways of solving the problem.
Basics
• Don't think your lack of sex drive means you're incapable of enjoying sex. You can, and will, achieve orgasm with a bit of stimulation!
• Women are more affected by a lack of sex drive than men.
• Loss of sex drive doesn't last forever. It's important to be aware of this, but not just to expect it to go away immediately. You need to talk about it.
Solutions to every situation
- Medical reasons for lack of sex drive: Some types of hormone medication (anti-anxiety and anti-depressive drugs can have a negative impact on libido). Don't be shy about talking to your doctor about it, as he/she may be able to suggest other drugs or doses. As a rule, libido returns as soon as you stop taking such drugs.
- Stress: If you've just changed job, you're working on a particularly stressful project, you're in a bit of a financial pickle or you've got something on your mind that's weighing you down, it can seriously affect your sex drive. Don't forget our brains are our most important sexual organs! Don't bury your head in the sand and neglect your sex life - it's too important! Your sex life is just as (if not more) important than your finances or job (whoever got thrills from filling in a tax return, for God's sake?). Learn to relax and make time for sex, maybe even forcing yourself a little at first. For want of a better analogy, you don't get hungry until you smell the chocolate brownies cooking!
- Emotional shocks: Getting the sack, losing a loved one, suffering infidelity and other brutal shocks are enough to destabilise anyone into losing interest in sex. Get help from a therapist or psychologist, either with your partner or alone. A professional will be able to help you.
- The weight of routine: Sometimes it's so true that the more you see of each other, the less you see. As you settle into a comfortable routine between the sheets, you stop appreciating each other's bodies and start fantasising about other people in bed (strangers or people you know). Learn to rediscover each other. Explore each other's bodies like maps and get to grips with your sexual geography! Turn the lights down low and create an intimate setting, then each of you take it in turns to undress each other and touch each other all over without bringing each other to orgasm. As the days and weeks go by, take your exploration further to get each other more and more aroused, until you drive each other so wild you're ready to have sex again. Also, don't think twice about breaking with routine once in a while, inventing sex games and surprising each other in bed with fun role-play.
- Beware of going round in a vicious circle! If you both know things aren't right between the sheets, but you don't feel like having sex or talking about it, you'll get nowhere. You'll end up avoiding getting close to your partner, and you'll both blame yourselves. You need to do something about it. Communication is the key. Even just admitting that something has changed between you can go a long way to helping solve the problem. You'll both be relieved and you'll work out a solution to your problem together (such as better bedroom time management, more time away to yourselves or relationship/marriage counselling).
