Communicating your wants and needs in the bedroom is vital to a healthy, pleasurable sex life. But let's face it, letting go in bed and going for a HOT solo scene with your partner is anything but easy. Jiggly thighs, awkward noise and red scrunched up faces? It’s all we can think about.
But don’t fret, with a little help from our experts (and some positive self talk) you’ll find that a little self play can go a LONG way. From hot and heated foreplay to mind-blowing, climatic moments, here are the tips you ought to know to masturbate in front of your partner like a pro…
1. Strip Away the Stigma
Experts at intimate lifestyle brand LELO.com say: "Even the most confident in their sexuality can balk at sharing something so private with their partner, so first off, you need to think of it and treat it like any other sex act… because, if you think about it, it really is just that.”
Plain and simple. In fact, you don’t even have to worry about how well you’re doing because you’re simply pleasuring yourself. “Arbitrary distinctions between what is sex and what isn’t can hamper you from fully expressing yourself and this particularly pertains to manual (or powerful vibrator assisted) stimulation. In fact, a good way to start is by ‘just’ masturbating with your partner, not treating it as foreplay." So get rid of the negative self talk and think of it as something you do all the time with him. No biggie, right?
2. Be Open
We know it can be awkward sometimes expressing what you want in bed, especially if it’s slightly out of the ordinary! But if you’re completely comfortable with your partner then there’s really no shame in doing so. In fact, he’ll probably find your confidence super hot. Rohan says: “Think back to all of the things you’ve already shared with them and how much closer it has brought you as a couple. Being open, of course, also includes ‘being open-minded’ as your partner may be sharing things with you that they have never shared with someone else.” Work together on making your fantasies a reality.
3. Pay Attention
“If you’ve both decided you’re comfortable masturbating together, you are presented with a golden opportunity to both show your partner what exactly it is that you want sexually, as well as learn the same of them,” says Rohan.
So take this opportunity to learn each others sexual needs. This is the perfect time to tell him exactly what you like and want, don’t be shy about it, make your needs known. “Both be clear and upfront about what you like and pay attention to what does it best for them.” Your partner wants nothing more than to please you.
4. Take the Stage
Once you realise how comfortable you are with the act, make sure to completely tune out from the world. “Don’t be afraid to give them a bit of a show. Whether you’re treating mutual masturbation as foreplay or the main event, there’s no reason why you can’t look good doing it.” This will help you regain confidence and really get into it, making for an even bigger finale.
5. Relax
There’s no right or wrong way to masturbate. As long as it feels good to you, then that’s all you really need. Don’t overthink the situation and feel like you have to make a grand show of it.
Rohan says: “At first, it may seem like it should be easier to masturbate casually than making a show of it, but a lot of people compartmentalise how they express their sexuality with their partner and how they do it privately. There’s no reason why you both can’t enjoy the occasional quick orgasm and then nap without making a production of it.” Let your feelings take over your body and just go with it. Your pleasure will be what really turns your man on…
6. Switch it Up
After getting the basics down, then it’s time to switch things up a bit - with toys, that is.
“Solo-sexing tends to fall into routines that are both comfortable and efficient. There’s nothing wrong with that, but introduction to different stimulation, whether by changing the pressure of your hands or switching between a clitoral vibrator like SIRI and g-spot stimulators like GIGI can help you learn new ways to reach climax both by yourself and with your partner.” Use your new toy on yourself before introducing it to your partner. That way you’ll know exactly what to expect and exactly how you like it.
7. Then, why not ask him to join in with you?
“While exploring new sensations, don’t forget that while you may be pleasuring yourselves, that doesn’t mean you don’t have to touch each other. You can both focus on each other’s erogenous zones that you can’t necessarily stimulate on your own. Of course, using LELO’s BOA Ties so he can’t touch you at all while he watches you can be quite fun as well.” So don’t be afraid to kinky with it! A bit of resistance can be extremely HOT. Do what feels best for the both of you and remember, don’t think too much.
8. Let Distance Make Your Hearts Grow Fonder
Being a few hundred miles away doesn’t mean you can’t stay connected. Rohan says: “Whether he’s out of town and you’d like to have a late-night video chat session, or you sneak out of the office for a naughty afternoon break, technology has facilitated all kinds of fun not restricted by distance.” So make the most of your time a part and have fun while doing it.
9. Catch a Film
Negative connotations aside, there’s nothing wrong with watching porn to get things going. Rohan says: “More and more women are becoming interested in(or at least more open about) consumption of erotic materials. While erotic fiction are the more socially acceptable medium that women find titillation, there are groups of filmmakers, actors, and fans who are dedicated to improving pornographic movies to better present female pleasure and feminist themes”. So even though there is A LOT of porn out there that does objectify women there is, more than ever now, a wide selection of porn that presents both men and women as equal partners.
10. Celebrate ‘Me Time’
“Lastly, recognise that masturbating together doesn't mean you ALWAYS have to do it together…and don’t be offended at all if your partner would prefer to do it solo from time to time,” says Rohan. Masturbating on your own is completely normal and healthy. So if the time and the moment hits you, go full throttle into action.
What's your favourite tip? Tweet us @sofeminineUK
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