Considered taboo or shameful for a long time, fantasies are more commonly accepted by women these days. And with good reason: in addition to helping create mental balance, they fuel desire, intensify pleasure and help us be open about our sexuality. Here are some explanations.
What is a fantasy?
A fantasy is an imaginary representation of conscious or unconscious desires. Images, ideas or feelings produced by the mind generate emotion and excitement, notably of a sexual nature, in individuals. But fantasies don’t just relate to sexuality: they may concern different areas of desire and pleasure. The word comes from the German “phantasie”, a term first used by Freud to refer to the imagination.
Who fantasises?
Anyone, of any age, fantasises in either a conscious or unconscious way, explicitly or inexplicitly. And women fantasise just as much as men: the only difference is that men tend to be less prudish and find it easier to talk about their fantasies.
Where do fantasies come from?
Fantasising is a fascinating yet completely natural phenomenon and is actually a sign of good mental health. It’s usually derived from a repressed, unconscious desire. For Freud, fantasies arise in adolescence, when masturbation begins, or even during childhood (at around 6 years of age).
What purpose do they serve?
Fantasies enable the individual to cut themselves off from their daily problems, overcome and escape from real-life imperfections through their imagination. It’s a kind of compromise between a dream and reality, between impulses and taboos, that leads to a sense of escape. Fantasising isn’t necessarily indicative of dissatisfaction; it’s more like an outlet that allows the individual to turn away from strong social and moral pressure.
What’s more, fantasies are powerful aphrodisiacs! Psychiatrists and sexologists agree on two types of fantasy: “creative” ones that aim to enrich a sexual relationship and to stir up desire; and ones that remove inhibitions and express a person's sexuality fully.
Common fantasies
Erotic scenarios might come to you during the day or during sex itself, and the way they develop depends on your personality. Amongst the fantasies most elicited by women are the desire to make love in a wild, deserted place (on a beach or in a forest) or in public (in a car park, lift or in the office). Following this is the desire to get frisky with a particular person (a celebrity, a perfect stranger, a colleague or friend). Some women also fantasise about using accessories during a sexual encounter (being tied up, blindfolded or using food). Other erotic fantasies are centred more on a situation (with another woman, with several partners, being the favourite out of a group of women or doing a strip-tease in front of a room full of men). Male fantasies, on the other hand, tend to be less well-behaved, often focusing on sex acts (blowjobs, anal sex, exhibitionism, partner-swapping or threesomes with two women) and giving him greater satisfaction.
Disturbing fantasies
Sexual submission, sadism, or even rape…Certain fantasies can sometimes be far from conscious desires and actually match up to feared situations. Some experts explain this difference as distorted unconscious desires responding to defensive processes. All the same, if such a fantasy becomes disturbing, it might be worth looking further into it with the aid of a psychotherapist or psychoanalyst.
Should you share your fantasies?
While you might be comfortable talking to your other half about your past, your family and your experiences, you’re probably not so forthcoming when it comes to revealing some of your most intimate, unconfessed desires. It all depends on what purpose they serve, so be sensible about what you reveal. Some fantasies might spice up your relationship and bring you closer together, while others could put your partner at unease if he doesn’t share your fantasies, or if he doesn't even figure in them!
Turning fantasies into reality
Some specialists believe that fantasies should remain within our imagination to turn us on without losing that power of suggestion or creating potential disappointment. Others believe that they should be satisfied in order to get rid of inhibitions, to overcome a lack of desire or make it easier to reach orgasm. Your instinct can guide you on this: it’s up to you whether you feel ready to bring your erotic imagination to life.
