I remember the days when planning a girls night out was the highlight of the week. Dressing up, painting our faces and sipping on cheap wine? It was hands down a favourite pastime, but far from now.
Now nights out seem to consist of nothing more than pervy men and young rich mummy's boys trying to liquor us up. And that along with a banging head, crippled feet and a weekend spent in rehab mode, well yeah, it's just not so exciting anymore.
We'd be much happier with an evening of Netflix, a boyfriend shirt, no make-up and a tub of Ben & Jerry's. Agree? Here's why we're so SO over it...
1. Making the effort
Whether you admit it or not taking a shower before a GNO is E.F.F.O.R.T. Especially when you're pushed for time. The usual 45 minute sesh turns into 15 minutes tops (which is why more often than not a flannel wipe will just have to do). Glamorous, we know.
2. The rush hour
And when you thought that was enough there's still that ONE frantic hour before you have to go. Pulling out the hair dryer, curling tongs and polish while lathering yourself in fake tan takes true multitasking skills.
3. Entrance fee
Bane. Of. Our. Lives. We're done with sweet talking the doorman and asking the owner for free shots. What's a girl gotta do to have a decent night out these days? RIP OFF.
4. Power hungry doormen
AKA, the most arrogant people ever? It's a pretty accurate stereotype. Don't get me wrong sometimes they're cool and let you in, no problems, but sometimes they can really make your life hell. Heavy handed ain't even close.
5. The underage teens
All of a sudden all the dudes in the club look about 12 years old. Heck, most of them are probably still in their puberty years. Where are all the MEN?
6. Being peer pressured into shots
Girls can't filter alcohol like they did when they were eighteen so when we say 'No thanks. I can't,' we really do MEAN IT. Some of our girlfriends can still go the extra mile, but seriously - they're machines! Which is great but for those of us that are becoming less resistant to spirits please for the love of god, listen when we say NO.
We'd like to make it home tonight, thanks.
7. Getting groped
Getting my arsed smacked in the club used to be a crude confrontation, but honestly, I just feel sorry for those boys. It's almost expected. A sad truth that ALL women deal with.
8. The plastics
Now lets talk about the life-like barbie dolls. The Mean Girls wannabes that cuss out everyone else's outfits/hair/dance moves? Bottom line, we're just not into that catty sh*t anymore so please, count us OUT.
9. Drama queens
Once you're on your way to wasted town the night is guaranteed to take a dramatic turn. Whether your friend turns into a raging b*tch or someone keeps stepping on your toes there is bound to be a drunken confrontation.
NO exaggeration.
10. Liquored up
By the time you're in your mid-twenties and you think you've picked up a decent man, he's already clocked on to your old ways. We admit it, we like a free drink! But the aftermath is never pretty.
11. Emotional escapades
This deserves a mention of it's own. Whatever it is, on a GNO someone is going to shed a tear. Whether you're having a heart to heart with your bezzie or can't help hounding down your ex boyfriend at the bar, those salty tears are going to make an appearance tonight.
12. Making a fool of yourself
Sometimes things can get out of hand. With zero awareness or judgment, dancing on the bar like you're God's gift to men is a pretty typical move for us girls. And yes - we're ashamed. As is smoking a cigarette (when you don't actually smoke), getting slutty with your friend's crush or just being plain sloppy. Yeah, can't say we're proud (but it is a tiny bit funny).
13. Getting home is ALWAYS a nightmare
Unless of course you're all too inebriated night buses are standard practice after a night out. Sorry we might be a bit older but we're still not made out of money. One hour to get home is all it takes to save a nice lump sum of cash (that can go towards shopping) but let's be honest - the journey is dire.
14. Dealing with heels
As every year goes by it becomes more and more unacceptable to go barefoot (and go pee on the street). Which means walking in our heels all fricken night becomes a pretty difficult task. We. Just. Want. Our. Bed.
15. The hangover
Waking up a thirsty camel is never pretty. Our heads are pounding, we can't bare the taste of water (but are forced to binge on it anyways), you're starving hungry but feel sick at the thought of food, you've lost your purse and money, you look like sh*t and then, BOOM, then come the flashbacks. Did I really do that? This isn't what we call fun anymore.
16. The two-day recovery
The process of recovery from a night out isn't like it was in our younger years. Suddenly the hangover that used to last a few hours has become a two-day affair. Physically and literally, you're bruised, mentally you're drained, and now you have the task of burning 500 calories from the kebab you gorged down last night (accidentally obviously).
Not to mention the clean up job of the post-party mess in your room. (That is, if you haven't burnt down your house from leaving your straighteners on.)
Are you so over girls nights out? Tweet us @sofeminineUK!
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