Michelle Elman is a body confidence coach but for 21 years she refused to wear a bikini in public. See, Michelle has had 15 surgeries over the course of her life - for a brain tumour, a cyst on the brain, a punctured intestine and hydrocephalus - and her confidence has suffered as a result. She refused to wear a bikini in public for fear of people seeing her scars but at age 15 she had an epiphany.
One step in Michelle's mission to accept and love her body was learning to deal with people's perceptions of those who are bigger than others - or, as Michelle puts it, the "fat friend."
"There's a stereotype around being the "fat girl" in a friendship group," she wrote in a recent body-pose Instagram post. "Since the age of 11, I have always been the "fat" friend. The difference between now and then is that there's no hesitation. There are no second thoughts and when my friend suggested jumping in the Fjord. Before I would have said yes reluctantly, spent the time hiding as much of my body as possible until the last moment... and definitely wouldn't have taken photos, let alone been in them. Now, I'm the one suggesting photos."
There's a stereotype around being the "fat girl" in a friendship group. She's the one who sits on the sidelines and never joins in. She's the one perpetually single and sits silently while all her friends discuss their love life because god forbid, if she actually find a boyfriend, she would never be comfortable naked or in the bedroom. She's the insecure one, the one constantly complaining about her body and talking about diets. I couldn't call bullshit more on this stereotype. Since the age of 11, I have always been the "fat" friend but I have never been THAT girl. Even with all my insecurities around my scars, and my body in general, I was never the girl who sat inside - I refused to because of my pride and ego and my surgeries never let me be the person who missed out on life. The difference between now and then is that there's no hesitation, there are no second thoughts and when my friend suggested jumping in the Fjord, I was all "Hell yeah!". Before I would have said yes reluctantly, spent the time hiding as much of my body as possible until the last moment, definitely worn a top and definitely wouldn't have taken photos, let alone been in them. Now, I'm the one suggesting photos, I was the first to whip off my top and the thought that my body was different wasn't there. The fact that I know many girls, fat or skinny, would miss out on opportunities like this is what fuels my body positivity. Body positivity isn't about being able to take underwear selfies, it's about not letting your underwear or your swimsuit be the reason you aren't taking part. And ultimately when you are around the right people, you won't EVER feel like the "fat friend". I don't look at these pictures and see me as the odd one out. I look at the pictures and see the memories and the three bodies that we had fun in! #ScarredNotScared Swipe for a video of me high pitch screaming as I jump in!
A post shared by Michelle Elman (@mindsetforlifeltd) on Apr 1, 2017 at 11:04am PDT
Michelle hopes to lessen people's reservations about showing their scars in person using the hashtag #scarrednotscared. In her Insta post, she went on to describe how she doesn't want anyone else to feel the way she did about her body.
"The fact that I know many girls, fat or skinny, would miss out on opportunities like this is what fuels my body positivity. Body positivity isn't about being able to take underwear selfies, it's about not letting your underwear or your swimsuit be the reason you aren't taking part."
Michelle's post contains two photos and one video of her jumping in a lake in her bra with her friends. The post has had nearly 6,000 likes and plenty of positive comments. "Beautiful inside and out. The world needs more people like you," one user said. "Thank you so much for articulating this! I've felt this for a long time but not been able to clearly express it. Fat isn't a dirty word. We can be fat and beautiful and brave and interesting and confident," said another.
Ultimately, Michelle's message is one of self love and confidence: "No one should have to feel ashamed of their body, whether you have stretch marks or a C-section scar. This summer, let’s stand up and be proud of our scars and what they represent – a story."
Are you empowered by Michelle's story? Let us know @soFeminineUK
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